Creating a deep healthy relationship with your spouse is not a simple matter. The minority of couple’s who have been blessed from heaven with a magnetic attraction and natural affinity may not understand the challenge, but assure me, most of us are dealing with it on a daily basis.
I have come to understand that one of the foundations for healing and long term survival in a difficult marriage is the ability to care and love even while under attack. This concept is expounded on in the classic book “Tomer Devorah” and can be exemplified by G-d giving life and streaming vitality to the sinner even as they sin.
So too we as Human beings, created in the Divine Image, have the ability to overlook our personal insults and embarrassments for the sake of a higher cause. Everyone has bad days and built up pressures which can easily get vented towards anyone on the front lines, namely the spouse.
The counterintuitive secret, being the victim to such an attack, is to run towards the ambush. That’s right, advance towards the source of fire while diligently emitting love and affection as you dodge the bullets. Use humor, compassion or any other psychological trick you can think of to get your spouse to feel that you love them and will always be there for them forever.
As soon as your spouse feels that level of support and commitment they will drop their weapons and want to make peace not war. Your spouse’s daily frustrations could be coming from many sources and you may even be the cause but creating a warm space for acceptance and unconditional love can sooth even the deepest pain and distress. What if your spouse made a war and nobody came?